Kamis, 05 September 2013

Best Divorce Letter

Dear Wife,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.

I've been a good man to you for 7 years&I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today&that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.

You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.

It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica
But when I got home you were gone..
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife,
Rich As Heck & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem..