Explanation for 80 Years of Man's Life

On the first day, God created the dog and said:
‘Sit all day by the door and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’
The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’
So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.’ 
The monkey said: ‘Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?’ 
And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: ‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long , have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’ 
The cow said: ‘That’s kind of a tough life to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’ 
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: ‘Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.’ 
But man said: ‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’ 
‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You got it.’

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. 
For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family living cow’s life . 
For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Now you know why we live the life the way we live. :D


Source : http://www.inspireyourspirit.com/2013/12/eighty-years-of-mans-life-explained.

Haruskah si "dia" menyadarinya?

Pembicaraan setelah makan membawaku pada satu pertanyaan..

Haruskah si "dia" menyadari ketika kita marah?
Jawabanku adalah

YA. Kl dia ga tau trus apa bedanya dia sama temen? Temenku aja tau koq kl aku lg marah, masa dia ga..

Lalu timbul pertanyaan lain, sebel ga kl dtanya

"Kamu marah ya?"

Tentu aja jawabannya SEBEL. Hello, udah tau orang lagi marah, masa masih harus dkasih tau lagi sich!? Please deeeh. Adik aku aja tau kl aku lagi marah ga boleh dgituin, masa dia ga tau??

Lalu salah satu temenku dengan santainya nyeletuk

"Ntar dia jawab, emanknya gue dukun apa bisa tau!?"

Akhirnya aku mengambil kesimpulan bahwa kami berenam berbeda, jadi kami pun menginginkan hal yang berbeda (biar aman dan ga ada yang bertengkar sambil jontok-jontokan #lebay) ^0^

Hahahahaha..

Best Divorce Letter

Dear Wife,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for 7 years&I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today&that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband

P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica
But when I got home you were gone..
Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife,
Rich As Heck & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem..

How the Fight Started

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

_____________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

_____________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

_______________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me

for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets

and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that

I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.

________________________________

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started

Stupid questions

Most STUPID questions people usually ask
in obvious situations...

1. At movies: 
Hey! What are you doing here? 
Me: I sell tickets in black here. Don't you know?

2. In bus: A fat lady steps on my feet:
Sorry did that hurt?
Me: No not at all. I'm on local anaesthesia . Why don't you try again?

3. When i get woken up at midnight by a call:
sorry! Were you sleeping?
Me: Na! I was doing research on  monkeys in Africa marry or not. You thought i was sleeping,you stupid fool ?

4. When they see me with shorter hair:
hey Have u had a haircut?
Me: Nah! Its autumn. my hair's shedding.!

5. When someone call's on land-line:
where are you ?
Me: I'm in market with telephone around my neck...!!!

6.when I'm washing my car neighbour:
hey are you washing it?
Me: No, I'm just watering it so that it grows into a big bus.


Hope you smile when you read it..